Thursday, November 1, 2012

Starting to Blog

I have been thinking about blogging for years and I actually started a blog a LOOOONG time ago, but I have no idea what that address is/was/nor do I remember anything about it.  Such is life.  Well this is my blog to talk about my life now, it's up and downs, and everything in between.  A little bit about myself, I am a wife, and mother of a 22 month old boy and soon to be daughter (currently 7 months preggo!!!).  My husband and I both work grueling jobs, but fortunately for me, I get to flex most of my day at home so I can be with my son.  It's hard and challenging and I hardly ever get anything right, but for the most part, I like what I do and where i'm going in my career, so I wouldn't change it for the world.  Which brings me to why I have started blogging.
I am currently a stay at home working mother.  I stay at home for a good part of the day, and I go into work at night for a couple of hours.  It's a blessing and a curse because on the one hand, I get to spend a majority of the day with my son while I take business calls, send off important e-mails, structure my schedule for work and participate in conference calls all from the comfort of my home.  It's a curse because, because of these "comforts" people expect me to go above and beyond what I would normally do if I was at a desk during the day, and my husband expects the stay at home part to include all of the cooking, cleaning and "child-rearing" to come from me.  It's unfair because while I do try to do some of that, I can't do it all, and ultimately, something, if not most things, fall through the cracks.

Plus i'm pregnant now, and A LOT of stuff falls through the cracks...I mean A LOT.

I'm always late...for everything.

Pregnancy brain has got me in trouble at work and at home more than a few times.

I never have time to cook or clean and when I do the house gets messy after only a couple of hours.

Because of my work schedule, his work schedule and putting our son to bed late, I don't see my husband until 2a in the morning.

I'm tired all of the time.

I want to stop working, but I know if I do, I won't want to come back.

I want to do everything that I used to do when I didn't have children.

Ok so those last two didn't have anything to do with things not getting done, but still... :)

Everyone says, "just do the best you can", which in theory is a great concept, but in practice, everyone just gets mad at you for not doing what they wanted you to do.

I think women get hit by this the hardest because there is a burden that society places on them to be "perfect".  To always be ahead of the game, to always think ahead of the curve, to always prepare for the worst, to always have all the supplies/energy/resources necessary for the task at hand, and it's exhausting.

And if you aren't on your "A" game?

Well then SHAME ON YOU...and what a disgrace, and women back in the day could do such and such, and why didn't you do this? the list could go on and on...

So she feels the burden, trying to take it in stride, but constant negative energy is never a good it begins to take it's toll.

Well that's how I feel right now.  And believe me, it's not a good feeling.  But i'm trying to take it day by day, trying to not let the negative energy get to me, trying to see the light at the end of the very dark tunnel.  So help me out, if a post I have touches your heart, hit's close to home or makes you feel like commenting, give me a ring!

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